'i am no man' Charlotte Eowyn!

@squishberry@mastodon.world alas, short on rl trans friends

'Begone foul dwimmerlaik, lord of carrion! Leave the dead in peace!' A cold voice answered: 'Come not between the Nazgûl and his prey! Or he will not slay thee in thy turn. He will bear thee away to the houses of lamentation, beyond all darkness, where thy flesh shall be devoured, and thy shriveled mind be left naked to the Lidless Eye.' A sword rang as it was drawn. 'Do what you will; but I will hinder it, if I may.' 'Hinder me? Thou fool. No living man may hinder me!' Then Merry heard of all sounds in that hour the strangest. It seemed that Dernhelm laughed, and the clear voice was like the ring of steel. 'But no living man am I! You look upon a woman. Éowyn I am, Éomund’s daughter. You stand between me and my lord and kin. Begone, if you be not deathless! For living or dark undead, I will smite you if you touch him.' -J.R.R. Tolkien, the Return of the King

I wrote this while working on my memoir: The trees don’t care who you are The streams have been flowing for eternity Pay no attention to the animals and they won’t run away Lost things finding other lost things; together at play A stream turning into a pit filled with water The trees don’t care who you are Rocks piled high for jumping Other waters flowing into liminal hills Old stone bridges; no stream underneath Rivers with pylons for jumping; children at play The trees don’t care who you are Your body is just your body in the woods Parents grounding you to go outside Don’t come back until dark Bring a friend or find a friend The trees don’t care who you are

@farah@beige.party the reason they are so successful is the competiton charges 1.5 billion a launch and they charge like 40 million, and that's a U.S. government problem, but it was a problem. I hate elon too, but like...we can't just not have rockets, they'll just launch them elsewhere if we try.

@farah@beige.party now if the conversation is 'fuck it lets go back to the woods and dance with the trees' thats a different convo.

Driving down the endless highway towards my mother Gleaming silver, the borrowed car smells of salt and honey Underneath my feet crinkle old paper. Beside me, my lover sits in the growing shadows The sun moves overhead, silent and judging As we go into the forest of steel the din and noise drowns out our conversation and all pretenses Parking, we call my mother The phone barks and shouts and sobs and buzzes It sits in my hand like a writhing snake My lover recoils and shrinks back The smell of sewage is in the air it doesn't come from the city but my heart Searching endless hours while growing shadows follow me I find a small, tiny shop filled with dried old blossoms Carefully they are wrapped up Wearily we go to the place where mothers go to die Step by step, our feet heavy, our hearts dreading I know she will shout at me; her voice like thunder her tone like fire; her heart like poison Instead she cries and sobs tears of joy Begging, she asks my forgiveness Dying, she tells me I am a beautiful woman Eternity in her eyes, she looks to the future Rejoicing in ashes; in roots; in rain As she falls asleep she tells me her secret She wishes she were a boy My mother fades into memory, and in the end I love her as in the beginning

the internet was so strange when I was a child that this is how I got on it: My parents were deeply abusive and into SATANIC PANIC. I was forbidden from playing d&d or doing anything they considered demonic. (everything.) I had a paperroute but they took all the money. I was like 9. I embezzled my own tips, waited until they were out of the house, had a SECOND PHONE LINE INSTALLED (no cellphones yet, ground lines) when they were out, then (again using my embezzled tips) signed up for dial up internet. When they found out I had the internet I told them it came with the computer, and they accepted it until I was 15. Again, I did this when I was nine. And I was perfectly safe as a nine year old on the internet. It was by and large wierd, lots of stuff didn't work or broke, but it was not vapid, unsafe, stupid, filled with mindless arguments. It was largely free (not entirely but largely) of judgment, racism or facism. There was no tracking, no paywalls, no mass access. That place, that time, has been entirely destroyed.

I like this article because it reminds me - Everything is temporary. Everything will pass. There is a monstrousness to it, but also a beauty. *Everyone* you love will die. *Everyone* you will ever meet is precious, fragile, impossibly beautiful. This moment and this world will never come again. The 90's, the 00's, the 2010's... all gone. Soon, the 2020s will be gone, too. Hello, tomorrow! A quote from the actual article, which I think can apply to all of life: "And maybe that is why it feels so monstrous. Because it is not entirely wrong. Everything is temporary. The body knows and the seasons know and the trees know. The dog sleeping at your feet knows and the child growing taller in the doorway knows. Everything is leaving even while it stays. And we are asked to love it anyway. That is the impossible assignment. To stand in the mouth of impermanence and offer your whole heart. To know the blade exists and still press your pulse against it. We are being called to love without anesthesia or guarantee or contract. Without any fucking leverage. To say: Yes. This will end. Yes. This could destroy me. Yes. I may one day crawl through the wreckage of what I am currently calling home. And still, I am here." https://www.elephantjournal.com/2026/09/anticipatory-grief-how-we-lose-love-twice-rachel-dehler/

Goth is back, I guess.

@miriamrobern@dice.camp thanks!

Hell is empty and all the devils are here. Heaven is empty and all the angels are here.

i asked again and she asked for 'bust, girth, length' which still....I don't see how that would tell me if it would fit around my shoulders or neck!!!!

@miriamrobern@dice.camp i more importantly don't understand what girth or bust do to help them with 'WILL THE COLLAR FIT MY NECK'

@gwynnion@mastodon.social to be fair, the capitulation IS the point, not the winning

i made a total conversion of VTM: dark ages to wuxia yesterday for this, but one of them is like 'wouldn't shadowrun work better, it has way better martial arts' so I might use shadowrun 5e instead? my intent is for them to start in warring states, reach the rise and reign of Qin Shi Huang, then go forward to ROTK.

The first emo album I ever heard will now forever be the new Wendy's emo album. It's pretty hilarious.

My old d&d players are were getting tired and burnt out DMing themselves without me, so have requested I DM again. Specifically, they wanted 'something mixing wuxia and historical china'. So I've been reading, for the first time, chinese history and philosophy. HOLY SHIT the warring states are an interesting period. I do like it how they basically invented communism multiple different ways ~2500 years ago. And the game of thrones bullshit these people pulled is WILD, just WILD. It does highlight for me however, that when we think of 'bronze age empires' a lot of these empires were able to exist because the peasants were farming crops that all...kinda were ready for harvest at the same time, in places where the peasants couldn't leave? Like a lot of these big empires were extraction machines, like today, and not the zenith of their civilization. That aside, wow there is some wild stuff here. I'm currently working on a 309 BC campaign involving vampires and geopolitics and the quest for immortality leading up to the unification of China.

Master Weng Quotes and Sayings: "The Zhou order is correct. But the Zhou aristocrats have become weak and decadent. If a peasant can defeat a noble, that is evidence of the noble's failure, not evidence that the social order itself is wrong. Those who do not live up to their potential will be supplanted by their lessers who do." “Sometimes all you will learn in defeat is that you have been defeated.” “A tiger may be powerful, but that does not mean you should heed its advice.” “The wise only seek attention when capable of dealing with it.” "Do not depend on others doing good for you; depend on being in a position where they cannot do you harm." The Master once gave an advanced student a wooden sword and a novice a metal sword. He then asked: “Which will win?” The students argued. The Master then took both swords away, telling them: “Neither. You spent the fight discussing swords.” "An empty promise cannot block a blade, and fine words cannot mend a broken stance. Form is proven only in blood and speed, never in debate." "The mountain does not bow to the storm, nor does a true master beg for respect. Respect is commanded through power, order, and unyielding will." “If we know that our own people are in a condition to attack, but are unaware that the enemy is not open to attack, we have gone only halfway towards victory.” "The mountain does not bow to the storm, nor does a true master beg for respect. Respect is commanded through power, order, and unyielding will." Once, a novice came to the Master and asked him the secret of immortality. He looked at the novice and repeated the question. “So you wish to know the secret of immortality?” The student replied in the affirmative. “Do not die.” the Master replied, before returning to his sanctuary. “The peach tree does not mourn the leaves that fall in autumn. It simply grows fruit again in the spring. The only tragedy is a branch that rots while still attached to the trunk.” A student once spent three days in quiet contemplation outside Master Weng’s sanctuary, seeking deep enlightenment on the nature of the Way. On the fourth morning, Master Weng walked past and dropped a heavy cobblestone onto the student’s foot. The student yelped in shock and pain. "Did you feel the Way?" Master Weng asked. "No, Master! I felt a rock!" the student cried, holding his foot. "Good," Master Weng said, walking away. "When a blade cuts your throat, do not waste your final breath searching for a metaphor."

pros: hot older lesbian, probably some punk band cons: cops will be there immediately??? I ASSUME???

@oreolek@icosahedron.website jesus fucking christ why are AI agents writing game reviews? Oh, for training. Because all art must be absorbed. Photopia is awesome, I remember playing it in college.

I want to run a star wars saga game where a bunch of Jedi keep insisting the force wants you to be male or female and the players just all snap and turn to the dark side and conquer the galaxy.

So in my current world of Darkness game...Ventrue has awoken from his ancient slumber. The rest of the party is literally in hell, because they jumped into a nihil, so it is up to me to try and convince him not to raise an army and conquer Asia. Apparently the last time he was awake he was known as Genghis Khan. My character is watching movies with him. I am having him watch these next I just sent my storyteller this list: On the Beach The Day After The Hot Zone (2019 version) Jurassic Park Failsafe (1964) The Hunt for Red October War Games (1983) In that order.

https://globalnews.ca/news/12053337/alberta-first-nation-gender-affirming-care-safe-haven/ First Nations, doing what capitalism and colonialism won't.

“If the way of battle promises certain victory, you may fight though the Master forbids it. If it promises no victory, you may refuse to fight though the Master commands it.” “Your opponent does not care what you intended. The corpse has no argument with the sword.” “If a peasant defeats a noble, do not blame the peasant for knowing how to fight.” “Your ancestors may have conquered kingdoms. Your ancestors are dead.” “The safest shield is the enemy's inability to reach you.” A student once asked the Master: “Master, should I be like water?” Master Leng then took him to the lake and had him meditate before it. While he was deep in meditation, the Master threw him in. “Did you become water?” the Master asked. The student replied: “No.”, and the Master said: “Then do not ask foolish questions.”

@miriamrobern@dice.camp thank you kindly

I just saw a free game on itch (one I won't link here) where the artist...drew everything by hand...then had AI...turn it into computer graphics. WHY. WHY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY.

So I have a few issues.

1. I'm still on estrogen pills. Right now its 2 mg 2x/day

2. Despite no family history of male or female hair loss, and none before going on hrt, 4 years in mine continues to worsen and I'm not sure why. It's so thin. Its not...I can still hide it, but despite being on finasteride and 2.5 mg/day oral minoxodil I have no idea what to do. My iron and protein levels were low for awhile but i've been trying to get them back up.

Questions.

1. For a trans girl switching to estrogen injectables, what should my dosage be? I've had an orchi. Someone on discord said 30 mg/5 days, but the local hrt clinic (which is notoriously bad) suggested 10 mg/7 days, (several months after I asked about switching) - whats a good dosage?

2. Anyone have ideas about the fucking hair?

any more tech savvy friends able to get a paywall bypass on this for me? https://www.wsj.com/tech/ai/claude-chatgpt-ai-speak-chatbot-cb804933?mod=e2fb&utm_campaign=orchid_fb&fbclid=IwY2xjawUyKCdleHRuA2FlbQIxMABwZG9mBWJyaWQRMUxxc0lZMFhtRzJZMHhvOVNzcnRjBmFwcF9pZBAyMjIwMzkxNzg4MjAwODkyAAEemferPB8-0d1Z8ScHeWv_WgUROdpkrCg8eI5v6AQw1DO9YsXHAhwTfk67UUM_aem_rtEonctreNlID1RFrWxvDA

Apparently, there's a thing where people make queer, from scratch Game Boy games and host them up online for people to download. Not rom hacks, but from scratch games. And a lot of them are really gay. I just found a lesbian ant Yuri game. It has a safe for work and not safe for work version. It has a sequel involving lesbian bees, and a "toxic Yuri" follow up involving an ant / moth pairing. I have not played any of them at this time, but you know I'm going to. https://astoryinpieces.itch.io/lesbiantsgb https://astoryinpieces.itch.io/

I wrote this one page story in a writing workshop I went to last week We were assigned a random image and needed to make a short story based off of it.

@violet@sunny.garden yes absolutely i was basically raised by college students on the internet making places where I, a young child, could go be myself in the 90s. Those strangers knew intimate details of my life for decades and never once did I have cause to regret it.

The setup will be this: The Jade Mountain School is located atop a mountain in the Yan province, near where the merchants and cavalry of Yan trade (and fight) with the nomadic peoples to the north. It is an isolated school. The nearby town of Maple Dawn Lake is only a half day’s walk from the school, located on a serene mountain lake, where the locals farm rice, raise goats, yak and horses. There are also a number of peach trees. The town itself is almost two weeks from the next nearest town; which is down the Jade Mountain. The lake bordering the town feeds a mountain stream, which becomes a riverhead at the base of the mountain. Jade Mountain is a prestigious school; the master only accepts one of two types of people. Either people from the town (any child can be tested for talent) - or people from far away, who must have had full lives with accomplishments, and must prove themselves to the master before he will teach them, else they will be turned away. Many are turned away. Many more wash out. The old master, Wan Lu Weng, the Old Man of Ten Thousand Roads, is secretive, demanding, confident and strict. He demands the very best from his pupils, and accepts nothing less than perfection. He teaches the Warrior’s Way - a style of martial arts focused purely on combat mastery above all else, and many, many styles of martial arts - some said to be known by no other. Many seek him out for this alone. But he is more than that - he is a great teacher. He is a bit of a Zhou traditionalist (the Zhou are the old order provence at the center of China, their dynasty resists the new way of judging people based on ability and merit, preferring aristocratic judgements) - but the reason he takes in peasants from the local town, is he prides himself on turning otherwise normal peasants into pupils that can test or humiliate the sons of the greatest aristocrats of Qi. That is not why you have sought him out, however. There are other whispers. He has been teaching on this mountain for several generations - since the first missionaries of the west began whispering of a man called ‘the Buddha’, and since before the days of the current King of Yan’s father, since perhaps even the days of Confucius a century ago. Few talk about it, but it is said he is amongst the greatest the School of Naturalists (one of the Hundred Schools of Thought) has ever produced. It is said he knows the secret to immortality. (SPOILER: HIS SECRET IS VAMPIRISM)

and it gets wierder. There are MULTIPLE GAMES IN THIS SERIES. The progression is: Shining in the Darkness Shining Force (the above) Shining Force 2 Shining Force Gaiden/Final Conflict in the US. The ACTUAL TIMELINE HOWEVER, is: Shining Force Shining Force Gaiden/Final Conflict Shining Force 2 Shining in the Darkness (long after!) You are given the impression that the secondary villain of 'Shining in the Darkness' returns for Shining Force later. The US marketing material made that clear. The main character of Shining in the Darkness is the CHILD of two of Shining Force's secondary villains, who is sealed away in 'Shining force Gaiden', and then Shining Force 2 is a century later, and Shining in the Darkness takes place EVEN LATER, and they mistake the villain of that for his father. But due to the US localization they set Shining in the Darkness as a prequel to Shining Force and make the villain the same.

Anyone have advice on trying to find a dress that will look good on a plus size body for a gothy sorceress look?

@ThatGenieProblem@dragon.style one of the players is going to be a guy who deserted from Alexander's army and went east.

"Consider the situation. There you are, forehead like a set of balconies, worrying about the long-term effects of all this new 'fire' stuff on the environment, you're being chased and eaten by most of the planet's large animals, and suddenly tiny versions of one of the worst of them wanders into the cave and starts to purr." -Terry Pratchett, The Unadulterated Cat

AI is not nearly so bad as what they are saying. Don't get me wrong, I hate AI. **Don't get me wrong**, its gonna kill jobs, make the world a worse place, has already almost ruined the internet, stolen huge amounts of art, datacenters will turn the earth into venus (this was a real study), and the entire economy has become a scam. but this 'oh no it might destroy humanity, please daddy regulate us' is about two things: 1. anyone with the right fucking hardware can run an LLM (large language module) and they'd rather you didn't., and especially they don't want cheap rivals popping up so much https://www.rawstory.com/raw-investigates/ai-civilization/?link_source=ta_first_comment&taid=6aa80e803baae40001768ea5&utm_campaign=trueanthem&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook&fbclid=IwY2xjawUV_4BwZG9mBWV4dG4DYWVtAjEwAGJyaWQRMUc4RkZ6YWRlTWpCTlBFOHFzcnRjBmFwcF9pZBAyMjIwMzkxNzg4MjAwODkyAAEeX0loQlBprzsbdutvPAh2ClgOyjsLI5Pj-qqiuLGxdYzyRkpIQKVjuiJkyso_aem_ZsZT250HQGHU0rqHieEVyg and 2. the bubble was about to burst. everytime it gets close, they start howling about how AI daddy is gonna spank them so hard it destroys humanity, oh no, oh no, hopefully its not a CHINESE AI that kills us, better make sure its an american, oh yes, - so be sure to invest and get all that money, oh yes, its so DANGEROUS, $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ gimme.

We have a lot of trans girls in IT. Surely one of you all can make a bot farm on Twitter to bully Elon Musk into trying to do Jurassic Park. I'm just saying, he's very susceptible to bullying. As long as he does it on an island.... I see it working out great.