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You should stay up and read more posts. You’re just getting to the good part
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donni saphire
@donni@mastodon.social
mastodon 4.8.0-nightly.2026-10-06Chicago comedian in real life, Internet poster in posting. Proudly hatless. Suspicious of most squirrels. Only wrestles sea cows seasonally
0 Followers
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50 Posts
Joined August 16, 2018
Pure Toots:
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You can lead a horse to water, but it won’t be impressed. Horses know about water
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Relax. Everything will be fine. Not for you, of course. But somewhere, things are fine for somebody
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I will never log “off” or become more “normal” or eat “less cheese”
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Are you depressed or are you simply aware of various situations
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I keep my fruit in a paper bag so it ripens quickly and I can throw it away faster
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Most of you are fine, a few of you are great, and one of you is the Killer
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The jerk store called, just to gloat. They're having a great decade
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Every night I worry about 258 things, none of which happen, thanks to my preventive worrying
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Felt like crap. Drank a glass of water and feel so much better. Infuriating that this works
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That which doesn't kill you makes you extremely tired and somewhat grumpy
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Angry about the things I can’t change, nervous about the things I can
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This is the last straw. All straw manufacturers have shut down for some reason
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Can’t go to sleep until I think of a foolproof solution to all current problems
It’s nice to feel good for like 5 minutes and briefly forget how everything is fucked
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Going to bed soon, just need to do everything else possible first, and also space out for awhile
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I’m sleepy, but sure, I could go for several more hours of spiraling thoughts
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Perhaps it is bad for our mental health to live in a world that makes us feel crazy every day
Sometimes I let myself feel optimistic for 3 to 5 minutes, as a little treat
I’m not doing my best, but I’m trying my okayest
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CASHIER: Is there anything else?
ME [whispering]: There’s a whole world out there
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Fans of the weekend demand it be extended across the entire week
If you're going to make me choose between our friendship and my love of abruptly ending interviews, this interview is OVER
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Which awful person/institution deserves my witty yet stinging rebuke tonight
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Coping about the things I can’t change, seething about the things I can
*gets a small splinter*
So this is how I die
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If you’re happy and you know it, keep that information private, weirdo
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Getting upset all the time is bad for you, which is also upsetting
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A good werewolf is hard to find. So is a bad werewolf. Werewolves are hard to find
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“Things will probably be normal again soon!” he thought hopefully as decades passed
I have never had a plan. I just show up at different places, chewing on a hunk of bread
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It’s so lonely being the only human being who has ever experienced loneliness
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Love yourself the way you love all the other fun things that are bad for you
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If I could be invisible sometimes, I'd mainly use it to mess with cats
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Dreams: Are they real? Scientists are terrified. "This could be a dream RIGHT NOW!" one researcher screamed
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I’m just trying to have a chill time and eat a nutritious variety of vegetables
Sorry I never replied to your text. I just didn’t want to