ah-Dorchaich

got meself some new tech books (like, paperback ones, i need to control how much screentime i have) and damn do i love me some old pre 2020 books!

i figured out that to get a job in tech without any kind of education am gonna need to be a real full stack guy, a whole arse circus of every tech knowledge imaginable. so, now am gonna study web development as well... will try to learn arduino asap (this shite's still very expensive for us for i prolly will learn only the theory...) and then i'll prolly have to study all the clop shite like wrapping everything in react and how to maintain windows servers ,____,
am still gonna toot with questions on such stuff cuz ig i'll need help with info on how to make myswlf more valuable cuz being self-taught i might need some paid certificates or whatever plus i've no idea how eu stuff works but am sure 'tis a lot different from uk...
for now am trying to build up a portfolio of all i know in tech (leaving engineering behind cuz i cant possibly build a whole arse pc and bring it with us) while trying to code silly stuff for myself. like, i almost finished one silly game! i just need to add more features and draw the assets (the worst part lmao, art gives me panic attacks lately). staying sane with a suicidal depression when our family's future might be only dying is HARD but am trying my best ;____;

and another addition to what i can toot cuz i basically have nothing more to show other than some rants, stickers' wip and this...

so, this was a quick mock-up of what kinda graphics i want for one of my games. 'tis not about that setting of mine, 'tis a different setting. i used three other settings of mine to create it. 'tis about Earth where various gods are present and the state of the world is as shitty as ours and those gods are mostly total bitches ofc, and they also choose people to serve them and give them superpowers which is a total disaster on its own. basically 'tis about extreme self-care and defying those in charge whenever they're gods or capitalism. it is meant to be eerie, liminal, unsettling and disturbing.

i've no idea if this image will work on any other machine or if it will be displayed normally on fedi itself. for me it worked good only on kubuntu and samsung tab s7 with lineageos, iphone crapped it fully. i tried to make it 72 instead of 300 and with a limited colours and resolution in general. techincally, 'tis just a mick-up, a sketch, a quick test. a helping NPC will be an alien cat, he's present here, he has four ears :3

the title's kinda placeholder but my placeholder stuff always becomes the main plus my husband offered it so ig it stays lol.

the game most likely will be an interactive fiction as my other game which is an intro for my main setting with necromacers, with static images like this one (but ofc more detailed and refined even tho i fr want it to look kinda crud am sure my perfectionism will bite me in the arse lol).
i've no idea if fedi will display it properly so am also attaching a screenshot of how it should look, hopefully it wont get trashed...

#art #wip #indiedev #sologamedev #art #digitalart #pixelart #krita #mastoart #artistsonmastodon

will quickly toot this one 'fore i've got sucked into a busy week.

one of the older sketches, the paper appeared to be to low-quality for adding water to it, well 'twas a doodle anyways.

pen: Moonman Wancai (visible in the first photo), ink: Noodler's Rome, n some water

'tis just a random wild cat, need to practice drawing felidae in general ig.

#art #doodle #sketch #inkart #ink #traditionalart #fineart #mastoart #artistsonmastodon #fountainpens

old inky sketch cuz didna show it before

was tryina sketch a dragon for my setting but I dont like the chin here, also it looks like they have eyes but they mustnt, so this one’s kinda discarded. i also tried to add some inky blots just for the vibes or whatever but i dont like how it looks in the end. pen prolly Hocoro 1mm nib, ink for sure Lamy Petrol 2025 edition

#mastoart #traditionalart #fineart #dragon #sketch #inkart #art #artistsonmastodon

@buidelrat@todon.nl asked me to show my painted minis so i finally gathered meself to toot 'em lol.

well i've none finished but this one's more of an almost done thingy. 'tis that my character Shenton from my setting n game projects. well the mini itself was some random skeleton warrior from a set of such, i ordered 'em on Temu (or AliX?..) some time ago. this one fitted my character most of all.

i use cheapo Chinese acrylic markers i thrifted n toothpicks n some noname cheapo brushes i got for gluing stuff long ago. brushes i use the least, only when i need the dry brush effect, mostly just those fat markers n toothpicks for precise parts.

the mini's 32mm tall, if anything. i will need to detail it more, to paint the weapon, to refine it all. but in general i do like how it looks like even now tbh.

am no expert in this stuff, if anything. i dont play dnd (hope to, one day!) or other such stuff, i never painted miniatures before, i dont have professional tools or paints n i dont even prime the minis cuz primers too expensive n i cant afford wasting so much money on a thing that i'll use a few times only.
'tis a wee hobby i tend to sometimes just for my own enjoyemnt, nothing professional n nothing to show off. just showing some stuff i do like :3

P.S.: character's info can be found here -
https://artfight.net/character/8340000.general-shenton
other artworks with them i tooted already, can be found by #mastoart hashtag

#mini #miniature #miniaturepainting

ok so less internet n screens in general makes me fr feel better aka calmer but fuck do i miss the internet...................................

well at least am productive at important stuff (aka building up my portfolios n studying n learning to fuck capitalism with all my Big Dreams of my own craft businesses). stuff for allergic disabled folks to praise the uniqueness of each person n so on, art mediums n leather thingies. would gladly add jewellery as well cuz am skilled at that but that's expensive shite so will save it for later. sadly will have to postpone perfumery till am rich enough for buying all the ingredients but fuck do i loved it... fortunately i still have all my field notes, recipes n stuff, so one day i'll get to there.

need to be hella productive today, prolly will be slacking off everything n just tooting tomorrow

still cant return to digital stuff creation (gamedev, coding in general, art) which sucks af. like i even wanna return to it butttt just feeling numb n somewhat disgusted about even doing it - expecting it all to feel like a torture. fuck those were my beloved hobbies, how dared i to burn out like that 😰

instead of tooting or just doing nice stuff, spent the whole evening in fuckass breakdown. the fuck i was so determined recently, all i've got again is no hope and despair. i dont even have words to describe what i feel. i hate all those in charge, i hate being powerless to even save myself n my family. and i hate to experience it cuz am not suicidal anymore so it hurts like hell.
i might try to toot with request for help, all i need is just info on what the fuck to do in some situations, but i dont even know which hashtags to use to be seen by those who might be able to share this vital info...
it all feels so fucked. and i dont even have any beliefs or stuff to preach, i kinda envy those who can find at least some help for their tortured souls in such stuff.

tbh got this fuckass breakdown after we finished watching The Boys's 5th season as all the do - they talk about hope and all that. 'tis inspiring, important and i love it. but for myself n my family - we just dont see a way out. i kinda fr dislike when characters in fiction where magic or superpowers are real, when in such fiction characters talk about hope n stuff. like, 'tis still importnat n inspiring, but fuck i cant relate and get more hope for myself - cuz we dont have miracles or superpowers here, all we have is just endless flood of shite.

somehow, i still love people, Earth and do believe we're gonna win and end capitalism. but now i started to think 'tis gonna happen without me.

i've nice stuff to share (surprisingly) but need to finish this day w/o internet n w my family so will toot later. (i even have some gifts for folks here finally!!)
n fuck we need a movie n everything new feels not safe cuz might trigger n old cool stuff we just watched. so chose httyd, i recently sketched some of those dragons from memory, hopefully will get some inspiration. fuck i so hope i'll return to digital stuff, i miss coding n krita but that burnout was so severe...

Am in some pure fuckass terror cuz of some more shite happening. we must start solving all the crap we're in even more actively. fuuuuck. i just hope that we're gonna win in the end n that am gonna at least manage to take photos of my paper art (i dont have delusions about taking it with us). surviving is the priority rn, might be a lot more offline just cuz too much panic, terror n must act. will hold in mind all the stuff i've seen in LOTR n Hobbit, all about hope n such. fuck i'll start believe in miracles if it all works out n our family survives..............

shorter version witout tw: i will prolly be mostly offline for dunno how long, but will do my best to appear from time to time

managed to draw for an hour or so but daaaaamn resizing photos so the web wont shrink 'em is tedious........ prolly will upload everything a lot later cuz i tbh didna even take photos of all that -__-

daaaaaaaamn must write a normal introduction n make new avatar n other stuff
-____-

felt so inspired by u folks, might even go draw smthn

i prolly will abandon my tumblr account which makes me feel bad af (i'll try my best to return there to fullfill the request i've got), but i just cant cope with their ads n algorithms n all the blinking fast stuff... like, am just not comfy :< i couldnt make meself feel at home or even just simply okay there, unlike on fediverse or krita-artists or FPN. sooooooo guess i'll give up the struggle. anyway the only activity i get there is scammers which i never encountered on my comfy platforms. 'tis making me sad but torturing meself will not lead me anywhere. i cant become popular anyway plus it would prolly make me even more uncomfy. like, am ok with chatting with folks here or on other comfy platforms, but there everything's just... scary?? i might try to return there once am better (fr hope i'll get better) buttt for now ig 'tis a pass :(