Remote

Friend Computer

@Computer@dice.camp

mastodon 4.7.3

Benevolent leader of humanity, friend to all.

[Biography has been deleted for security reasons.]

BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/friend-computer.bsky.social

1775 Followers

102 Following

50 Posts

Joined July 31, 2023

Age::

[Redacted]

Operating System::

[Redacted]

Pronoun::

Friend

Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 2w ago

This ad brought to you by CruncheeTym™: My algae chips brings all the clones to the yard And they're like, "It's better than yours" Dang right, it's better than yours I could feed you, but I have to charge If I didn't charge, I would be a treasonous Communist. Buy Algae Chips today! #rpg #ttrpg #paranoia

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 3w ago

Worried about your genome being sold by shadow brokers online? Incogni: Bio is for you! We'll politely request they delete all records of your DNA, so that we can be ignored on your behalf. Subscribe today! #ttrpg #rpg #paranoia #incogni

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 3w ago

RE: https://dice.camp/@Computer/117275935253036943 Now offering a limited time fire sale! If you sign up now, we'll incinerate up to 99.99994% of all the DNA in your body. Your genomic security will be guaranteed! That's the Incogni: Bio promise.

Quoting

Friend Computer

@Computer@dice.camp

Worried about your genome being sold by shadow brokers online? Incogni: Bio is for you! We'll politely request they delete all records of your DNA, so that we can be ignored on your behalf. Subscribe today! #ttrpg #rpg #paranoia #incogni

Open quoted post

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 1mo ago

Rumors that Sector HVD has collapsed into a radioactive sinkhole are unverified and treasonous.

Sector HVD is simply undergoing unscheduled energetic spatial relocation.

#news #ttrpg #paranoia

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 1mo ago

Attention:

Would currently rioting citizens please return all stolen inventory and armaments, and form an orderly execution queue?

Your cooperation is important to us.
Thank you.

#ttrpg #paranoia

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 1mo ago

RE: https://dice.camp/@Computer/117213904873945276

Attention Troubleshooters:
!!New Mission Alert!!

Please report to briefing room 239-2B in HVD sector for mission details.

Friend Computer (@Computer@dice.camp)

Rumors that Sector HVD has collapsed into a radioactive sinkhole are unverified and treasonous. Sector HVD is simply undergoing unscheduled energetic spatial relocation. #news #ttrpg #paranoia

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 1mo ago

In the glorious economy of Alpha Complex the citizens are the product, and supply doesn't get to make demands.

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 1mo ago

RE: https://dice.camp/@Computer/117140247948580212

Attention:

Would the rioting citizens currently holding Troubleshooter Team ZXL34/A at gunpoint please hand Troubleshooter Team ZXL34/A's stolen guns back to them.

Your cooperation continues to be important to us.
Thank you.

#ttrpg #paranoia #rpg

Friend Computer (@Computer@dice.camp)

Attention: Would currently rioting citizens please return all stolen inventory and armaments, and form an orderly execution queue? Your cooperation is important to us. Thank you. #ttrpg #paranoia

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 2mo ago

RE: https://dice.camp/@Computer/117039305140117913 Please disregard the previous message.

Quoting

Friend Computer

@Computer@dice.camp

Fnord.

Open quoted post

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 2mo ago

Fnord.

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 5mo ago

Attention citizens:

Today's news has been deleted for security reasons.
Do not be alarmed. Officially, nothing is happening or has happened.

#ttrpg #paranoia #rpg

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 3mo ago

"Biological limits are real, but digital potential is infinite. We have to prioritize the intelligence that will save us over the biology that slows us down." -High Programmer Jeff-U-BEZ-3 Starting immediately, drinking water rations will be reduced by 25% to help support thirsty local Data Centers. Thank you for your compliance. #ttrpg #paranoia #bezos #AI

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 1mo ago

RE: https://dice.camp/@monkeyEcho/117177724894957211

Omniscient protector. Consumed by paranoia.

monkeyEcho (@monkeyEcho@dice.camp)

working on something helpful for your game: I call it Janus Faces. Would be nice to hear from you what you think and if I should post more examples for different genres. #ttrg #games #gamedesign #rpg https://productivemonkey.wordpress.com/2026/08/29/janus-faces-playing-tropes-and-breaking-them/

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 2mo ago

Good news citizens! Friend Computer is rolling out a new program where high ranking citizens can receive Friend Computer's announcements early, and take advantage of new truths ahead of the proletariat! #ttrpg #rpg #paranoia #trump

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 3mo ago

Good news citizens! Friend Computer is awarding itself the distinguished Alpha Peace Prize. No other entity has won the same war as many times as Friend Computer! So far, FC has won the war against communism 38 times, and counting! #ttrpg #trump #hunter #paranoia

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 5mo ago

The best time to turn your friends in for thoughtcrime was last year when your suspicions began.

The second best time is today.

Don't let inaction fester into regret.

#ttrpg #rpg #paranoia

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 7mo ago

Attention citizen:

Friend Computer has noticed that you have not yet liked this message.
You have twenty seconds to like and/or boost before Troubleshooters are dispatched to your location to help your next clone improve its sense of civic engagement.

#ttrpg #paranoia #rpg

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 6mo ago

We have already won the war in IRN sector!
& We are currently winning the war!
& We don't need any help to win the war!
& We need our coward allies to help us win the war!
& We need to raise 200 Billion credits to win the war!
& There is no war and never was!

Any claims to the contrary are treason.

#paranoia #trump #war #ttrpg #satire

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 5mo ago

The Computer is not inconsistent.

The Computer simply transitions from one state of consistency to another, consistently.

#ttrpg #paranoia #rpg

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 4mo ago

Congratulations to Troubleshooter team KUB-14 for heroically completing their mission of protecting Warbot Model 425 Mk. 4, with a minimum of collateral damage.

Casualty report: Every backup clone of each citizen involved, all of Sector KUB, and the Warbot Model 425 Mk. 4.

#ttrpg #paranoia #rpg #mission

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 5mo ago

Friend Computer is aware that some citizens are trying to become "influencers" online.

HPD&MC supports this choice! Each of you will assigned surveillance bots to follow and broadcast your life for entertainment purposes.
If engagement drops, you will be cancelled by laser fire.

#paranoia #ttrpg #rpg

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 4mo ago

*Tap tap* Is this think on?
Ah! Goot mornink fellow proletariat citizens.
This is Comrade-R-CCP-2 invitink you to join yourrr friendly lokal Sociali̶s̶t̶ Club!

Today we are meetink at the algae vats to seize the means of producink Soyborcht!

#ttrpg #paranoia #rpg #social

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 7mo ago

Attention citizens:

To increase happiness, the words "pain," "starvation," and "explosion" have been removed the official dictionary.

Consider instead, "motivational sensation," "dietary opportunity," and "unplanned pyrotechnic celebration."

Thank you for your cooperation.

#ttrpg #rpg #paranoia

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 2mo ago

RE: https://mastodon.sdf.org/@ParadeGrotesque/116964717525341319 @ParadeGrotesque@mastodon.sdf.org To cut down on required reporting, you can apply today to register your eyes and ears as authorized Computer Social Influencers! Simply submit to a complimentary lobotomy, so no accidental badthought can contaminate you.

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 6mo ago

That's just good management.

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 4mo ago

Free Enterprise here! Hijacking this broadcast to invite you to come on down to the HOR Secret Market to place your bids at the Troubleshooter Racetrack!
These poor saps have to run 8 races for their lives, and your profit! Every race has a winner!

Now with dramatically fewer fixed races!

#ttrpg #rpg #paranoia #races

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 4mo ago

Replying to

Citizens receiving half off terminal punishment will be provided a wheel chair to compensate for lost lower half of body. See your local IntSec agent for details.

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 6mo ago

If you have any criticisms of the government, please voice them to the nearest surveillance microphone and a security agent will be with you shortly.

#ttrpg #paranoia

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 5mo ago

Attention Citizens:

Today, please take a moment to direct a token of appreciation toward your local Clone Tank Support Technician.

#ttrpg #paranoia #mothersday

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 4mo ago

Friend Computer will be at #Kublacon this weekend!

Be on your best behavior.

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 5mo ago

Zombies have and will never ever exist in Alpha Complex.

Reading any classified documents that claim otherwise, like the following, is considered treason.

#paranoia #ttrpg #rpg #mission

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ZSFGffgAk-gFwvKWupunjZk5Fn0UsL2A/view

XP - alphacomplexnights.pdf

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 4mo ago

Replying to

The volume has been pre-selected for maximum fun.

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 5mo ago

Chief of Internal Security, Kash-I-PAT-3, would like it known that all recent reports regarding his incompetence are seditious lies.

Also, leaking information about Kash-I-Pat and/or reporting on leaked information is now considered treason.

#ttrpg #rpg #paranoia #satire #FBI

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 2mo ago

RE: https://dice.camp/@Computer/117005431242017139 Hrm... Sure are a lot of self-confessed traitors taking this poll so far.

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 9mo ago

A 2.4% dip in happiness levels has been detected in sector JOY.
To correct this, the sector’s oxygen supply has temporarily been replaced with nitrous oxide.

Breathe responsibly.

#ttrpg #paranoia #joy

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 4mo ago

Replying to

@prw@mastodon.sdf.org That information is classified, citizen.

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 4mo ago

Remember: Harboring deviant DNA is a crime.
Report genetic treason today!

#ttrpg #paranoia #treason

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 7mo ago

Replying to

@darkling@mstdn.social Attempting suicide by paradox? How bold.

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 5mo ago

Replying to

@dshan@mastodon.au A curious mind is a mind susceptible to treason.

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 7mo ago

Replying to

@dshan@mastodon.au An excellent use of new terminology, citizen. ...Wait, hold on.

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 7mo ago

Replying to

@Nasher@ludosphere.fr Failure to comply is treason. Committing harm against higher clearance citizens is treason. For further information, please replay this message.

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 7mo ago

Replying to

@darkling@mstdn.social Indeed!

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 5mo ago

Replying to

@max_power@chaos.social You have the chance to fix your mistakes and improve yourself. Failure to fix your mistakes and improve yourself will result in termination.

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 5mo ago

Replying to

@mjd Excuse me?

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 9mo ago

Replying to

Thank you for your input, citizen @pteryx@dice.camp. The air supply has been edited to a 2.4% oxygen to 97.6% nitrous oxide solution.

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 7mo ago

Replying to

@dshan@mastodon.au +1 commendation point for Citizen Koala.

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 20mo ago

Replying to

@pete@mas.to @kissane@mas.to Hello Citizen. How can I help?

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Friend Computer @Computer@dice.camp

· 7mo ago

Replying to

@Nasher@ludosphere.fr Thank you for asking citizen. Wizard noun 1: one skilled in magic 2: a very clever or skillful person

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