Alice McFlurry

I know you're not supposed to engage with scammers, but it's a slow day.

This sconce looks like Clippy, right?

I appreciate when people in the service industry recognize my repeat business, but not on a Tuesday morning, Travis from the liquor store.

Does anyone else say "fu¢k you" under their breath whenever they encounter any reference to AI?

Just a little piggy back ride.

Did anyone else see the new footage of Mitch McConnell?

Oh wait it gets worse because there are apparently matching pants.

I got a coupon to make a free photo book from a company called FreePrints and I just received it in the mail today and the quality was actually really nice for a little 6x6" paperback photo book!

I bought the Anarchist Cookbook but it's been really hard getting those unruly MFers into the pot.

I don't want to be a bad influence, but I just can't help it.

An American Warehouse in London

I’m looking forward to GLP-1s gaining widespread use so my plump figure will be considered a rare thing of beauty like during the Renaissance and Sumo matches.

My husband and I were entering a door as two women were exiting and they were definitely sisters and probably twins and I was like "They looked like the same person!" And my husband said "They're probably saying the same thing about us."

Whenever my husband is at the ATM, I like to stand next to him and act all jittery and say things like "Thanks, man. Just this one last time, promise!" just to make the other people in line feel uncomfortable.

Remembering the time when I was bored on a road trip and decided to kill time by trying to win a radio contest to win something I wasn't even sure about by being the 100th caller and I called in and was the 1st caller, then 2nd, then 3rd, and the radio host was seriously like "oh, girl, you're the only one calling in..." By about the tenth time, I was like "can't we just call it now and say I won?"and she said she wished but had to go through it so I kept calling. After an unbearably long time, I finally won some concert tickets that I couldn't even give away. 10 out of 10. Would still do while bored out of my mind on a road trip.

Where is the composer of Clair de Lune's favorite place to have sex? Debussy

All moved in to our new apartment!

One of my favorite buildings in Long Beach, CA is this mid-century building with aqua, yellow, and white panels and I noticed on a recent trip that they stripped away all of the character by painting it a darker blue and beige and I’m so sad so I guess I just want everyone to get upset about it with me.

You say tomato I say tomato

Joint health is very important to ensure our blunts grow big and strong.

@bytebro@mastodonapp.uk @padraig@mastodon.ie @alice@lgbtqia.space @Alice@gram.social Really proud to be two of those Alices next to my absolute favorite Alice (lgbtqia Alice!)

We were walking home from a baseball game last night and stumbled upon this lovely group of people having a free movie night on the street.

I want to compete on American Ninja Warrior but only in the part where they eat pizza in a sewer.

Them: You're taller than I pictured. Me: I know. Many people think I’m a foot long at most.

Invention idea to package high calorie snacks inside corn kernels so they can be "smuggled" out of our bodies without the calories being absorbed.

Good news! The long awaited Iron Maiden polo shirt is FINALLY available to help you meet your business casual needs!

Found my nerdy field notebook from Geology school!

My stomach is sensitive because it doesn't like when people call it fat.

I have a cousin who tattoos eyebrows on people so I asked if she'd tattoo a goatee on me but she mistook it for a goatse and I'm honestly okay with it because it looks funny when adults are trying to feed me airplane-style.

@KevBot@beige.party Good news: You can't see inside unless you get REALLY close to the window. Bad news: It's hard to see peeping Toms when they get really close to the window.

I grew up on Highlights Magazine and Hidden Pictures and then progressed to Erotic Photo Hunt so AI ain't got shit on me.

[30 minutes into Sharkzilla Takes New York] "I just feel like they're deviating too far from the narrative in the book..."

Whenever he thinks I’m being serious and presses play, I like to double down by making up random "facts" about it until he finally realizes I'm just messing with him and have no desire to actually watch it.

Appreciation post for Murphy, the bar dog at Sante Adarius in Oakland, CA!

It's always in some bragging LinkedIn post about how they accepted a new position and are "excited to be apart of [CompanyName]." If I were the hiring manager and saw that, I'd ask them to hand back the offer letter.

My apartment complex's pool is so hot that I’m contemplating taking one of those Costco seafood boil bags into the pool with me.

Makes sense since I've been a choo choo cheerleader since day one.

I just picture "god" waking up in the morning thinking of what kind of catastrophic event they can release just so the survivors will thank them.

Looking for a tattoo artist who's good with color and texture because I want to get a face tattoo that looks like a goatee made of Hot Cheeto dust.

If you're rushing to the women's restroom, don’t make the same mistake I did by going into the far right restroom because the one on the left said "men" because there's a chance you won’t realize you're in the wrong restroom until you're washing your hands.

@KevBot@beige.party Thanks for all of the nice messages, everyone!

@josh@hactivedirectory.com It's an area in front of where ICE unfortunately has an office so it's a lot of anti-ICE sidewalk chalk and signage. I hate that there is an official presence, but I love that the neighboring businesses all pretty much have signs stating that ICE employees aren't welcome there.

@davep@infosec.exchange @KevBot@beige.party 😳